I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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