She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
