Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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