i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
