In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize