I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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