I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
