Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
