one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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