don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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