We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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