Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
did i walk over a car last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
