so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
