you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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