I forgot how hot balto sounded
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
