my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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