At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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