I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
