so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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