To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
