You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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