fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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