I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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