READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
