I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize