I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
