do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
