the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
