i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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