She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
