New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
