I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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