If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize