The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
