just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
