I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize