It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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