please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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