he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
