Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
