Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
where are my eyebrows?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
