I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
