i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
