So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
