I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
