Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize