whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everyone says I win the strip club
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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