I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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