hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
