So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Never underestimate the power of titties
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize