I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize