you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
