worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
