Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
