nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Rumble strips road head = magical
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
