I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
