So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
