So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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