; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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