i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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