for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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