Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
