fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
