Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
